I've never been one to worry too much
about the day to day dangers
in
the world around us. Sure, I could get shot by the
gangsta I just cut
off on the freeway, or poisoned by bad sashimi at the all-you-can-eat
sushi buffet, or choke on Bon Scott's
vomit, but it's PROBABLY not
going to happen. But I've never really been good with the whole death
thing; and as I get
older, it's not getting any better. On top of that,
one of my greatest fears is to go out as a result of some stupidity.
You know,
the true life equivalent of jumping too many barrels in
Donkey Kong. I really really, really don't want my last words to be,
"OH, Shit!"
Which is probably why I was a bit alarmed a few months ago when I
caught this piece on the local evening news. I know
what you're
thinking, these are the geniuses that bring you such brilliant teasers
as:
"Drunk Drivers! They're Drunker than ever! And they're out to get YOU!
Film at 11:00".
But somehow this piece about the dangers of cell phones & gas pumps
stuck in my mind. According to this newscast, the
electricity generated
by an active cell phone is more than adequate to ignite gas fumes. It
was accompanied by a black and
white minimart surveillance video run
frame by frame, that went something like this
Man is pumping gas into his SUV.
Man registers surprise at noise coming
from his pants.
Ahh! It's a cell phone!
Man looks at phone, pushes button.
Man bursts into flames.
My first thought that while watching this slow motion pantomime of doom
was to issue a Nelson-esque "Hah HAH!
Dumbass!" and move on with my
life. But since then I have noticed that it is impossible to pump gas
without someone taking
a call within 20 feet of me. Apparently people
can’t go more than 2 seconds without multitasking these days, so the
pumps
at the Chevron are a veritable hotbed of cellular activity. And
each time I tell myself, "Dude, relax, what are the odds..."
while
fighting the urge to run screaming across the parking lot and dive
headfirst into the PoWerAde! cooler.
But it's not like there's a lot of warning about this at the actual gas
station. If you’re lucky, perhaps a small, innocuous
sticker on the
back of the squeegee box that says, "Please keep all electronic devices
in car while pumping gas." So
I have no backup. But this paranoia has
turned me into the world's hall monitor. It actually makes me want to
approach
these people in my irrational state:
"Nice phone. Did you know it could kill us all? It's True. I saw it on
TV." No way. Way too geeky.
"What, are you trying to kill me? Do I look like I wanna go out like
Ghost Rider? No? So fuck off with the cell phone
already!". Nope, too
aggressive to affect REAL change...
How about:
"Can I have your cell phone number? There's something I want to try
after I pull away from here..."
Naahhh. Who would give ME their cell
phone number?
So somehow, despite my perhaps irrational fear of combusitng like the
monk on the Rage
against the Machine CD
cover,
I have managed to restrain myself. But
please don't be alarmed the next time you are downloading some unleaded
while
discussing on your cell whether or not to pick up some milk on your way
home, and
you see someone nervously
backing
away from you. It was just something
he saw on the news...
ADDED NOTE: It has recenlty come to my
attention that the possibility of igniting gas fumes with a cell phone
has been
thoroughly debunked both by Mythbusters
and Snopes.com.
So...nevermind.