Adventures
of
an Assistant Dishwasher
Chapter Three
by GJ
Caulkins
Dishwashing is a team
sport. One guy cleans the big, awkward
things by hand, while the other guy
loads the dishwasher with small stuff. Yes,
the dishwashers (human) have a dishwasher (mechanical).
It’s a stainless steel
cabinet that squats awkwardly at one end of the station. Plates, cups
and
silverware
are sprayed off and loaded into a rack. The rack is slammed into the
dishwasher. The door is shut and
the minutes later, you have a rack of
steaming, clean dishes… Unless you didn’t rinse them well before
you loaded the
rack. If you got lazy, and hoped the machine would do your job for you,
you end
up
with food cement on the dishes.
So it’s critical to
rinse them very fucking well before you feed the
dishwasher. And so I did. I
hosed
down the plates with the goofy spring-loaded nozzle that hangs over the
sink, and slapped them into
the rack as the dishwasher did its thing. The idea
is to have your dirty rack ready when the clean rack
pops.
Meanwhile, Doc attacked the sauce pans.
“Good to have you
back,” Doc intoned. He stared intently at
a stubborn orange lump adhered to his
pan. Scrubbing. Scrubbing.
“Me?”
“No. This pan, milkface.”
“I’ve been here every night, Doc.”
“Not all of you. Just most of you. But tonight you are here. 100% It’s good to have you back.”
I knew exactly what he
meant. Even though washing dishes is
a shitty job, it’s a job. And here I was
in the moment, working the job,
getting it done. God help me, but I was concentrating on washing the
dishes. This sudden self
awareness, and the idea that Doc was aware
of it before I was made me
defensive.
“I have no idea what you are talking about.”
taCHUNK! The
dishwasher opened and steam poured out. I
grabbed the clean rack and turned my
back to Doc as I nestled it on a stack of
clean racks. I slammed a new rack of cups into the waiting
maw of the
dishwasher and closed the door. The pile of filthy
dishes in my sink grew while my back
was
turned. A busser hustled back out of our station.
Hunched over our
sinks, we worked in the spray and clatter
without speaking for a good two hours.
Doc had the ghost of a grin on his face.
And with every passing minute I felt a little bit more like an ass.
Before my mind knew
what my mouth was doing, I made an
awkward verbal lurch for common ground.
“You must have done some pretty amazing drugs when you were a shaman. Did you ever do peyote.”
“Peyote?”
“Ya. The cactus.”
“Peyote?! Do I look like a Ute to you?”
I had no idea what a
Ute was, let alone how one looked. I
opened my mouth, then closed it.
I opened my mouth again. Nothing came out. So
I closed it again. I had no idea how to respond,
but I was feeling like an even
bigger ass now.
Doc stopped working on
deep soup pan and looked straight at
me. Expressionless at first,
then a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.
And then he laughed. A radiance spread out from
Doc; a brilliant, invisible
light shone out of him. A Mexican saint on a velvet tapestry has
nothing on
Doc
when he laughs.
“I’m messing with you,” he grinned. “I’ve eaten peyote.”
“Really?”
“Ya. Really.” His smile slowly hid back in the folds of his face, but his eyes were still bright.
“What else?”
“Sacred mushrooms. Hensbane. Marijuana. Bad bread. Ant venom.”
“What was the best?”
“The ant venom.”
“Really?”
“No. I’m messing with
you again. Ant venom makes me sick.
Sicker than peyote. I only used it in
dire situations.”
Staring hard into the
SOS pad in his hand, he stopped
smiling altogether. He looked old all of a
sudden. An old man. Tired and
hunched.
“Even if it was fun…
which it wasn’t... I was too busy to enjoy
myself. Medicine is
hard work.
Dangerous work. You go out there. Way out there, and you don’t
always come back whole.
It’s not like
this.”
Best job I ever had.”